Friday, November 25th
2011 is a day I can remember so vividly, I am haunted by it. It was the longest
eight hours I had endured. My friend and
I had just gotten Sundaes when she received a call. “Dale was in an accident
and is heading for Shock Trauma. Jeff might have been in the car” She said as
she hung up the phone. Immediately I call my fiancé to tell him his friends
were on their way to shock trauma. The day I had always feared had arrived.
On the way to the hospital we call Jeff’s parents to inform them of what happened. As we arrive at the hospital we search for answers but do not find any because we are not family. We waited until their families had arrived. The doctors came to deliver the news. Jeff is gone and dale may not walk. I watched as Jeff’s mom heard the news. Not twenty minutes later we learn of another friend who was in the car did not make it. I watched as his mother collapsed in the hall. The hardest thing to witness is a mother learn her child is gone.
I sat in shock listening to my
fiancé say over and over that he was suppose to be in the car, and he might of
changed the outcome. Guilt is the only feeling I had. I knew my friend had
caused this, and he is still alive. Dale was the only one in the car who wore
his seatbelt. Although he wasn't okay, he is still alive. It’s been two years,
and the idea that troubles me the most is they might have lived if they wore
their seatbelt.
Word Count: 285
Word Count: 285
I think your story is very well written. I would just add some more details so the reader can really picture what is going on.
ReplyDeleteVery emotional story, you do a great job of providing your emotion that night through your text. I think "search" in the second sentence of the second paragraph should be "searched".
ReplyDeleteI think you should write about the hospital environment to "show" and not tell. you did a great job though on your story
ReplyDelete